Submitted by rainydayz on Tue, 12/20/2011 - 10:42
In the queue at Tesco, the cashier told an older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.
The woman apologized to her and explained, "We didn't have the "green thing" back in my day."
The cashier responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation never cared enough to save our environment."
She was right -- our generation didn't have the "green thing" in its day......or....?
Submitted by rainydayz on Tue, 11/29/2011 - 11:40
Everything was rather quiet in the hundred acre wood. The trees whispered to each other as the wind rustled their leaves. Under a large oak tree, there lived Pooh bear. From inside Pooh's house, there came a steady bang...bang... bang!, that was making his honey jars rattle on the sideboard. The light came through the window, and in the evening sun Pooh raised the axe once more and brought it down on the tattered remains of Christopher Robin.
"Why...won't... he...fit..." puffed Pooh to himself as the axe came down once more.
Submitted by rainydayz on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 18:52
Things people actually said in court, word for word...
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.
Submitted by rainydayz on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 18:49
Alabama
- In jasper, it is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.
- It is illegal to play Dominoes on Sunday.
- It is illegal top wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
- Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
Alaska
Submitted by rainydayz on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 18:41
BBC World Service broadcast 09:00 GMT 15/11/2000
NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United States of America...
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Submitted by rainydayz on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 12:21
Albert Einstein was one of the greatest minds ever, but still had a funny side :
- “The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.”
- “Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.”
- “If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?”
- “I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference!”
Submitted by rainydayz on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 12:05
Comments (apparently) from actual Doctors reports :
Submitted by rainydayz on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 12:04
--
Application has reported a 'Not My Fault' in module KRNL.EXE in line 0200:103F
A)bort, R)etry, I)nfluence with large hammer.
--
Behind every good computer -- is a jumble of wires 'n stuff.
--
"I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."
--
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Submitted by rainydayz on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 12:02
At a computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:
"If General Motors had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles per gallon."
In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:
"If General Motors had developed technology like Microsoft we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:"
